My father gave me my first notebook when I was 7. It was right before my 8th birthday, not a birthday present but something I think he actually found in the dealership he worked at (he was not sentimental or warm). It was a Lion King notebook and I remember that summer so clearly. It was 1995, the summer that my baby brother was born.
I started writing about my feelings immediately, everything that I was feeling went in that notebook. That Christmas I received a “Dear Diary” and if you were a 90’s girl then you know that electronic diary with a passcode was a game changer! It is somewhere in a landfill, buried with my deepest secrets from age 8 to maybe 11ish. My Grandma would constantly give me notebooks from that point on.
I was a “book” kid and a “movie” kid so I had a lot of imagination. I was a choir kid, a talent show preteen, teenager. I always had really big emotions and music gave me an outlet. I kept a journal from age 8 to about age 23, then I started blogging. I took all of my blogs and put them into books towards the end of my 20’s. I recently removed those books because they’re not a reflection of who I am anymore.
I dealt with a lot of religious psychosis before being diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety, in 2021. I always knew that my emotions were not just “big” but there was a deeper issue. The long spells of depression, the panic attacks, and overwhelming anxiety. An unstable home life growing up did not help with my undiagnosed mental health issues, but I always knew that I was not simply dramatic or emotional.
Writing has always been my outlet. Writing is my income, my life and it influences how I see the world. I put publishing to rest a couple years ago, but I do still assist people with projects. I edit for extra cash sometimes. I create resumes and that is my current side hustle.
Just wanted to share my heart tonight. Be on the lookout for new projects.
💕Ciara J.